Sleepless

what do i do when i cant sleep? i dont fall asleep. well, aparently!! i really hate to be awake in the night, couldnt catch any sleep at all, while others might be killing you with their snores. hate it hate it!!

but then what comes in is the awful thought that i am alone. so empty that you couldnt think of anyone to think of to put you in sleep. at times, you hope the ceiling could just collapsed on you, pass you off. the worst would be waking up in the hospital, that’s all~ and sometimes, the thought of being lonely/single/heartbroken fills me, sufocates me. being sensitive/melancholic sometimes tenses me up. do these feelings really matter? and sometimes, it’s just tired. tired of being sad, tired of being hurt, tired of being weak, tired of being have to take it all…

yes, i have a life. but the gist? when was the last time i’m being happy? from the bottom of my heart? long, long ago that i couldnt remember. the exultation was blown away, till the point that i can not remember how it feels like, how it tastes. profound feeling of regretting life shadowed me, draining me. i wish there is at least something i do right.

as i left and pray for betterness, would God even consider my prayer if i confess? a great deal of desires from a turpitude, how insatiable… then again, i havent really let go. some say, it’s just a matter of time. is it? if only time can pass it by, fast.

where is the promised happiness?

if only my love can be acheived just by saying it out loud…

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