You Don’t See Me Cry
Do you remember the time when you cry a lot? You cry when you felt down, you cry when you were scolded, you cry when your ice cream melted.. Well, you get what I mean. Those days where you just don’t care and cry out loud.
When I was younger, I cry before my father beat me. When I was seven, I cry because I tripped. When I was sixteen, I cry (and scream) when the nurse is stitching me.
Now, I only cry for movies. For I have forgotten how to cry for real life, real reason.
The furthest I’ve gone is a choke down my throat. Something pushing up yet there’s a greater force pulling down. As for my tear ducts. I think they are phobes during such times, did not intend to embarrass me for I (d0) think crying is such a humiliating act.
Reason #2 I can not cry is that I am used to be armed. Because I am strong (or rather sometimes, pretending to be strong).
Reason #3 I do not cry is that no one really cares. No one would ask you why. When I cry for the trip, mum will come and comfort me. When I cry for the stitch, mum will come and take care of the nurse, I mean, care for me.
When you grew older, you are bound by norm, pride and the shield you build. You refuse to cry. I refuse to cry (subconsciously). Tears are no more weapon, tears are no more tool to get attention, ’cause people don’t give a f*cking damn about it. Not anymore..
But honestly, I cry. You just don’t see me cry.
p/s: i t h u r t s . i t r e a l l y d o e s .