2008. 1. 13 @1044
It is a long week. Everything seems so different from what it used to be. The change is drastic, and I hate changes. I have no idea where ‘d I spent my time on but doing nothing after my mid-term. Though the pressure is less intense now as compared to in the midst of papers, then again, reality calls..
Life is not as easy as I used to think, and it is getting tougher…I’m so tired that sometimes I would like to put it to an end, just right there! But then, There’s responsibilities, more than I ever thought. I just have to hang on.. I don’t know how am I going to get through the next 2 1/2 years, seemingly I just have to be very strong…
I like company, but I’m not so into crowd. I love my friends. Somehow, I just need a someone to hang on and hang out. I used to have Pek Shan, then Joanne, then my lil’ Darda(one at a time).. Now they are so far away from me.. I wonder if they’re far from my heart, too.. It’s hard to be strong, but even harder… To pretend to be strong!! You know exactly, deep deep in your heart, you’re nothing but a piece of torn. People all around you are not going to sympathy only because you’re young… All they wish is to take you down and make themselves crowned – anything that’ll make themselves feel superior.
It feels like… The air is leaking out of my lungs, the blood is drying out of my soul… Pitiful soul… I’m selfish and greedy(yea, that’s what I am, no doubt), I want something by myself. Or, I should put it this way… I want everything by myself! Looking back.. there’s nothing really belongs to me.. Nothing~ How sad.. I’d lost my sense of belonging.. I have no place in no where, not in his heart, nor home…
Where am I going from here on?
Would you remember me when I’m gone?