The Dark Secret

2 souls, 1 quest and a broken heart.

It’s hardly a week. Yet, it felt like a thousand years. “What’s the matter?” I secretly wished that someone would ask, so that I could cry and eventually roll out the story.

But, my pride won’t let me do.

I am too strong or that.

But, my lips don’t hesitate to keep sealed.

I thought if I could give as much as I could and would, things will eventually work out. Never do I realize that, what I put in, only return in words of sorry.

I have mistaken your silence as acceptance. Although I see doubt. Although I see uncertainty. I convinced myself to be patience, to believe, hoping that my premonition misses. It was not until too late do I realize my wrong.

I was even too late to save this. Too late to tell you what I want; too late to repent. You overtook and marked a full stop, leaving no chance of arguing.

Where is the time you promised to spare for me? Where, is your love?

So I sat and wept.

Then I lied down and cry.

Hoping that when I wake up, it was just a dream. Reality slap me hard with this fact that I have zero chance of arguing.

Nothing has changed. Only my heart being set sail from its harbour. So far away that I’m not sure when will it reach home.

 

You Don’t See Me Cry

Do you remember the time when you cry a lot? You cry when you felt down, you cry when you were scolded, you cry when your ice cream melted.. Well, you get what I mean. Those days where you just don’t care and cry out loud.

I do.

When I was younger, I cry before my father beat me. When I was seven, I cry because I tripped. When I was sixteen, I cry (and scream) when the nurse is stitching me.

Now, I only cry for movies. For I have forgotten how to cry for real life, real reason.

The furthest I’ve gone is a choke down my throat. Something pushing up yet there’s a greater force pulling down. As for my tear ducts. I think they are phobes during such times, did not intend to embarrass me for I (d0) think crying is such a humiliating act.

Reason #2 I can not cry is that I am used to be armed. Because I am strong (or rather sometimes, pretending to be strong).

Reason #3 I do not cry is that no one really cares. No one would ask you why. When I cry for the trip, mum will come and comfort me. When I cry for the stitch, mum will come and take care of the nurse, I mean, care for me.

When you grew older, you are bound by norm, pride and the shield you build. You refuse to cry. I refuse to cry (subconsciously). Tears are no more weapon, tears are no more tool to get attention, ’cause people don’t give a f*cking damn about it. Not anymore..

But honestly, I cry. You just don’t see me cry.

p/s: i t h u r t s . i t r e a l l y d o e s .

Take it!!

I look into the mirror, found this girl with sorrow eyes.

She open her mouth, but there’s only silence.

Tears trickle from the corner of her eyes, slowly…

I feel a sudden pain in my chest.

I look down, my chest is wet with bloody red.

In a blood pool now I stand.

I turn back and saw you with a blade.

There’s blood on your face, my blood.

Holding in your hand, that, is my heart.

Take it! ‘Cause I never want it back again~

My Fear

I heard someone whisper in my ears
telling me to let go of him who brings me tears

It is not that i do not wanna steer
but my heart is no more here

For never I will once more cheer
for the wish and dream are so far and mere

An open letter to you

How do I do? I’m not good, honestly. It’s always easy to fake happiness, act like you don’t care. But the truth is, it hurts, still… I don’t know how you did this to me.

It hurts when I hear your voice, it hurts when I see you, it hurts when you’re in her arms, it hurts, all these while…

I had to tire myself to not think about you, I had to avoid you to not feel hurt about it, all these while…

To fall for you, to not getting over you bother me a lot. ’cause you seems to find a way out easily, ’cause you seems to had found a new toy, ’cause you don’t see my tears, ’cause you don’t understand how it hurts me when I’m still living in the shadow of you…

Are you approving yourself by hurting me? Does seeing me in deep sorrow for you make you feel superior?

Well, congratulation… You did it well. Thank you for all the pain, very much!

You’ve left me far behind, in the hell while moving on to heaven. I can never say goodbye. How do I say goodbye?

爱的能耐

当攀尽延绵的山峦

榨干无边的海洋

却发现已回到了当初

唯一不一样的是

那颗心已经不完整

因为

你已把属于你的那一块

捏碎

让那颗心再也无法完整